1. Write a story about a stalker (400 words)
Stalk (verb) 追蹤
Stalker (noun; the person) 追蹤者
2. Write a horror恐怖 story (400 words)
scary令人恐懼
blood血
mysterious神祕man
haunted house鬼屋
SEE YOU ON 1 NOVERMBER (sunday)!
20091020
The Unfair Class
When I was eight years old, I was not very happy in my class. I was in class 3D, and I always answered my teacher’s questions. I had three best friends there. They were called Anson, Ma and Tony. We always played the Superman game. Ma was our leader. I was the second leader. Whenever I went to school on foot with my mother, my friends would chat with me.
One day, my teacher asked me how to solve a math question. The question was 7-2x9. I was always very happy to answer these questions. I was very certain and answered, “The answer is 45!” My teacher said angrily, “Why?” I said loudly, “It is because 7-2=5, then 5x9 is 45!” Other students laughed at me and someone shouted, “Alex is a fool, the question is very easy!” My teacher said I did not concentrate, so he ordered me to stand up during the whole class.
My teacher asked my classmates another question, “What is 8+2x9? Jenny, can you answer it?” Jenny stood up and answered, “It is 90!” When Jenny said the answer, I thought, “It is wrong, Jenny will need to stand up during class!” But my teacher said, “Sorry, you are wrong! It is because we need to multiply before adding! Sit down!”
I shouted at my teacher, “Why didn’t Jenny need to stand up during class?” My friends shouted too. My teacher said angrily, “It is because Jenny was careless! But you were not concentrating!” I was very angry and shouted, “How did you know I was not concentrating and Jenny was?” My teacher did not say anything and he took me to the Discipline Office.
My teacher said to the teacher at the Discipline Office that I was naughty in math class. He shouted to me angrily. The Discipline Office teacher asked, “Why were rude to your teacher?” I told her everything.
I went to my class again. The bell rang and it was recess. I played the Superman game with my best friends. Suddenly, my Math teacher found me and took me to the Discipline Office again. He said to me, “Sorry, I can’t say you were not concentrating, I have hurt your feelings!” From then on, my Math teacher always took care of me and Math became my favorite subject!
*PROOFREADING LIST*
1. tense
2. spelling
3. noun / verb / adj / adv
4. there is (NOT there have)
5. don’t mix up A and I
6. plural / singular
7. prepositions (e.g. on, at , in)
8. punctuation (e.g. . / , / … / ?)
9. pronouns (e.g. he, she, they)
10. capitalize the first letter in names (e.g. Facebook)
11. son't mix up THEN and THAN
2. spelling
3. noun / verb / adj / adv
4. there is (NOT there have)
5. don’t mix up A and I
6. plural / singular
7. prepositions (e.g. on, at , in)
8. punctuation (e.g. . / , / … / ?)
9. pronouns (e.g. he, she, they)
10. capitalize the first letter in names (e.g. Facebook)
11. son't mix up THEN and THAN
20091018
My favorite lesson-Math
When I was eight years old, I was very not happy in my class. I was 3D class, but I always answered my teacher question. I had three best friends there. They were called Anson, Ma and Tony. We always played the game of superman. Ma was our playing leader. I was the se When I went to school on foot with my mother, my friends talked with me.
One day, my teacher asked me how to do this math. They math was 7-2x9 I was very happy when I answered the questions. I was very affirmative and answered, “The answer is 45!” My teacher said angrily, “Why?” I said loudly, “It is because 7-2=5 than, x9. So it is 45!” Other students smiled me and someone shouted, “Alex is a blockhead, it is very easy!” My teacher said I did concentrate, so he ordered me to stand up conduct a class.
After I stood up, my teacher asked the question for other classmates, “What is 8+2x9? Jenny, can you answer it? Than, Jenny stood up and answered, “It is 90!” When Jenny said the answer, I thought, “It is wrong, Jenny will need to stand up conduct a class!” But my teacher said, “Sorry, you are wrong! It is because we need to x the math, than + the math! Stand down!”
I shouted to my teacher, “Why did Jenny no need to stand up conduct a class?” My friend shouted too! My teacher said, “It is because Jenny is not careful! You are not concentrating!” I was very angry and shouted, “Why do you know I am not concentrating? But Jenny is concentrating?” My teacher did not say anything and he took me to Discipline Office!
My teacher said to the Discipline Office’s teacher this child did not well in math lesson! He shouted to my angrily! The Discipline Office’s teacher asked, “Why do you said to teacher angry and shout?” I answered, “My teacher say me do not concentrate and need me to …” Then, Discipline Office’s teacher knew the things.
I went to my class again and the bell sound and it was recess. I played the superman with my best friends. Suddenly, my Math’s teacher found me and took me to the Discipline Office again. The Math’s teacher said to me, “Sorry, I can not say you are concentrate, I hurt you heart!” Form than on, my Math’s teacher took care of me always and Math became my favorite lesson!
One day, my teacher asked me how to do this math. They math was 7-2x9 I was very happy when I answered the questions. I was very affirmative and answered, “The answer is 45!” My teacher said angrily, “Why?” I said loudly, “It is because 7-2=5 than, x9. So it is 45!” Other students smiled me and someone shouted, “Alex is a blockhead, it is very easy!” My teacher said I did concentrate, so he ordered me to stand up conduct a class.
After I stood up, my teacher asked the question for other classmates, “What is 8+2x9? Jenny, can you answer it? Than, Jenny stood up and answered, “It is 90!” When Jenny said the answer, I thought, “It is wrong, Jenny will need to stand up conduct a class!” But my teacher said, “Sorry, you are wrong! It is because we need to x the math, than + the math! Stand down!”
I shouted to my teacher, “Why did Jenny no need to stand up conduct a class?” My friend shouted too! My teacher said, “It is because Jenny is not careful! You are not concentrating!” I was very angry and shouted, “Why do you know I am not concentrating? But Jenny is concentrating?” My teacher did not say anything and he took me to Discipline Office!
My teacher said to the Discipline Office’s teacher this child did not well in math lesson! He shouted to my angrily! The Discipline Office’s teacher asked, “Why do you said to teacher angry and shout?” I answered, “My teacher say me do not concentrate and need me to …” Then, Discipline Office’s teacher knew the things.
I went to my class again and the bell sound and it was recess. I played the superman with my best friends. Suddenly, my Math’s teacher found me and took me to the Discipline Office again. The Math’s teacher said to me, “Sorry, I can not say you are concentrate, I hurt you heart!” Form than on, my Math’s teacher took care of me always and Math became my favorite lesson!
20091017
The New Nobel Prize - amended
A man called Samson made a new category for the 35th Nobel Prize. It was called the A man called Samson made a new category for the 35th Nobel Prize. It was called the Nobel Prize in Entertainment. A man called William Kennedy Laurie Dickson was Thomas Alva Edison’s student. After Edison had invented the phonograph, Dickson and Eugene Lauste became the students of Edison.
After Edison died, Dickson invented the movies. Then, he won the first Nobel Prize in Entertainment. Then, Dickson and Lauste left and they invented the Latham loop. They set up the Kinetoscope Exhibition Company. He died in 1935.
Jerry Yang invented Yahoo and many people got entertained by it since 1995. Yahoo helps you find games, knowledge, pictures and movies. There are many things you can find there. Yahoo can help you make a blog. It is fun! So, Jerry Yang got the 1997 Nobel Prize in Entertainment. After three years, Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Google. They invented Gmail. Gmail is the first e-mail service with a very big storage.They got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment.
In 2004, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg invented Facebook. He was born in Amerca on 14th May, 1984.
There were three people who got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment. I think they deserve this prize. I think they all worked very hard. They invented things that make many people happy.
. A man called William Kennedy Laurie Dickson was Thomas Alva Edison’s student. After Edison had invented the phonograph, Dickson and Eugene Lauste became the students of Edison.
After Edison died, Dickson invented the movies. Then, he won the first Nobel Prize in Entertainment. Then, Dickson and Lauste left and they invented the Latham loop. They set up the Kinetoscope Exhibition Company. He died in 1935.
Jerry Yang invented Yahoo and many people got entertained by it since 1995. Yahoo helps you find games, knowledge, pictures and movies. There are many things you can find there. Yahoo can help you make a blog. It is fun! So, Jerry Yang got the 1997 Nobel Prize in Entertainment. After three years, Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Google. They invented Gmail. Gmail is the first e-mail service with a very big storage.They got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment.
In 2004, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg invented Facebook. He was born in Amerca on 14th May, 1984.
There were three people who got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment. I think they deserve this prize. I think they all worked very hard. They invented things that make many people happy.
After Edison died, Dickson invented the movies. Then, he won the first Nobel Prize in Entertainment. Then, Dickson and Lauste left and they invented the Latham loop. They set up the Kinetoscope Exhibition Company. He died in 1935.
Jerry Yang invented Yahoo and many people got entertained by it since 1995. Yahoo helps you find games, knowledge, pictures and movies. There are many things you can find there. Yahoo can help you make a blog. It is fun! So, Jerry Yang got the 1997 Nobel Prize in Entertainment. After three years, Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Google. They invented Gmail. Gmail is the first e-mail service with a very big storage.They got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment.
In 2004, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg invented Facebook. He was born in Amerca on 14th May, 1984.
There were three people who got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment. I think they deserve this prize. I think they all worked very hard. They invented things that make many people happy.
. A man called William Kennedy Laurie Dickson was Thomas Alva Edison’s student. After Edison had invented the phonograph, Dickson and Eugene Lauste became the students of Edison.
After Edison died, Dickson invented the movies. Then, he won the first Nobel Prize in Entertainment. Then, Dickson and Lauste left and they invented the Latham loop. They set up the Kinetoscope Exhibition Company. He died in 1935.
Jerry Yang invented Yahoo and many people got entertained by it since 1995. Yahoo helps you find games, knowledge, pictures and movies. There are many things you can find there. Yahoo can help you make a blog. It is fun! So, Jerry Yang got the 1997 Nobel Prize in Entertainment. After three years, Larry Page and Sergey Brin invented Google. They invented Gmail. Gmail is the first e-mail service with a very big storage.They got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment.
In 2004, Mark Elliot Zuckerberg invented Facebook. He was born in Amerca on 14th May, 1984.
There were three people who got the Nobel Prize in Entertainment. I think they deserve this prize. I think they all worked very hard. They invented things that make many people happy.
20091013
Embarrassed Alex
Today, I want to talk about my embarrassing experience when I was small. When I was seven years old, I went to the mall with my family during Chinese New Year to buy some new clothes. There were many things to buy, but I only wanted to play with my toy cars at home. I was very naughty and liked playing with toys very much. When my family was looking for clothes for me, I saw a toy shop next to the boutique. I saw many toys there. I hoped my mother would buy some for me.
When I went back to the boutique, I asked my mother, “Can you buy some toy cars for me? If I need to buy new clothes, I think you need to buy a toy car for me!” My mother shouted, “I don’t know why I need to buy a toy car for you. If you don’t want to have new clothes, I will not buy for you!” I was very angry and shouted, “No, no, no, I need to have a toy car! I don’t want any clothes; I only want a toy car!” I shouted very loudly, so all the shoppers in the mall looked at me. I was very scared and went behind my mother’s back. I was very embarrassed. So, when I went to the mall again, I didn’t shout anymore.
When I went back to the boutique, I asked my mother, “Can you buy some toy cars for me? If I need to buy new clothes, I think you need to buy a toy car for me!” My mother shouted, “I don’t know why I need to buy a toy car for you. If you don’t want to have new clothes, I will not buy for you!” I was very angry and shouted, “No, no, no, I need to have a toy car! I don’t want any clothes; I only want a toy car!” I shouted very loudly, so all the shoppers in the mall looked at me. I was very scared and went behind my mother’s back. I was very embarrassed. So, when I went to the mall again, I didn’t shout anymore.
20091007
Important treasure - amended
One day, a man called Jason found a private detective, Alex. Jason’s father was a rich man and opened a big museum in his attic. But his father died of heart disease. All his relatives received a letter: “If I die, I will put all my money at my office. There is a lot of money so you don’t need to work anymore. But I have put it into a safe! You find it, please! Be careful, there are many engines in my office!”
After Alex read this letter, he and Jason went to his father office. They saw many relatives of Jason. When Alex and Jason went into the room, his mother said, “Be careful, there are many engines, Alex!” They went to the office and found a letter on the table. It wrote: “The code is the month of birthday. If you get it wrong, you will fall into the engines and hurt!”
Alex wanted to say the answer, but Jason’s relatives fell into the engines. Alex knew the number and opened it. The letter wrote: “You need to go to the museum.”
Then, they found the museum’s switch under the sofa. When they turned it on, there were a lot of arrows shooting out. Many people hurt themselves. But no one helped the injured. Only Alex took them outside and called the police.
When they went to the entrance of the museum, they saw a letter which wrote, “No entry!” But many people ran inside, and they were hurt by the engines. Alex used his first aid kit to help the people. There were only two people who were not hurt. Alex used the torch and went inside. When they went to the terminal point, they saw the money, and a girl ran to take the money. Alex shouted, “Stop! It is not the money, there are engines!”
Alex took the girl away and they went out of the museum. Alex said, “I know where the money is!” Alex went to the office again and pushed a book. “Here is the money!” Many people snatched the money. Then they saw a letter under the money. It wrote: “Sorry, I think you will hurt yourself, not one will die. The blood of the injured is only ketchup! You cannot hurt Jason anymore, he is my son!”
After they read it, they always took care of Jason. Jason was very happy, and Alex went back to his own office to work.
After Alex read this letter, he and Jason went to his father office. They saw many relatives of Jason. When Alex and Jason went into the room, his mother said, “Be careful, there are many engines, Alex!” They went to the office and found a letter on the table. It wrote: “The code is the month of birthday. If you get it wrong, you will fall into the engines and hurt!”
Alex wanted to say the answer, but Jason’s relatives fell into the engines. Alex knew the number and opened it. The letter wrote: “You need to go to the museum.”
Then, they found the museum’s switch under the sofa. When they turned it on, there were a lot of arrows shooting out. Many people hurt themselves. But no one helped the injured. Only Alex took them outside and called the police.
When they went to the entrance of the museum, they saw a letter which wrote, “No entry!” But many people ran inside, and they were hurt by the engines. Alex used his first aid kit to help the people. There were only two people who were not hurt. Alex used the torch and went inside. When they went to the terminal point, they saw the money, and a girl ran to take the money. Alex shouted, “Stop! It is not the money, there are engines!”
Alex took the girl away and they went out of the museum. Alex said, “I know where the money is!” Alex went to the office again and pushed a book. “Here is the money!” Many people snatched the money. Then they saw a letter under the money. It wrote: “Sorry, I think you will hurt yourself, not one will die. The blood of the injured is only ketchup! You cannot hurt Jason anymore, he is my son!”
After they read it, they always took care of Jason. Jason was very happy, and Alex went back to his own office to work.
20091003
Treasure Hunt
Legacy, dinosaur fossil,
Why-
Will(遺囑),
Where-museum dungeon(地下室), heirloom(家傳之寶), hint(提示), engines(機關)
One day, a man called Jason found Alex
Why-
Will(遺囑),
Where-museum dungeon(地下室), heirloom(家傳之寶), hint(提示), engines(機關)
One day, a man called Jason found Alex
Children Versus Robbers -amended
“Alex was going to school this morning, and he saw a man in black standing in front of the bank. Then Alex recognized him – he’s the wanted man in the news last night! The man was talking on the phone, “Hey, I’m going to start our plan.
When Alex went back home, he saw his best friends and said, “Can you help me, there were two men wanting to rob the bank!” Jacky asked, “Are you cheating us?” Alex answered, “It is real, I do not cheat!” Sam asked, “Why don’t you tell to police?” Alex answered, “Do you think the police would believe us?” Ben suggested, “We can go there, but it should be after school!” Alex said, “Okay! Let’s talk about our plan in ‘
After school, they brought many weapons and went to the “
Then, they made a plan. Alex would go to HSBC and observe what happened. Jacky and Sam would guard the gate. Johnny and Ben would stand in
They arrived at HSBC at
When it was
Finally, they got awarded and were famous in the school.
“Alex was going to school this morning, and he saw a man in black standing in front of the bank. Then Alex recognized him – he’s the wanted man in the news last night! The man was talking on the phone, “Hey, I’m going to start our plan. 7 o’clock tonight, right? I will bring 2 guns. See you at HSBC.” Alex knew he’s going to do something bad, but didn’t know what it would be. He wanted to tell the police, but he was afraid that the policemen would not believe him. He thought to himself, “Maybe I can stop him! Let me go home and plan about this!” He didn’t go to school and went home quickly.”
When Alex went back home, he saw his best friends and said, “Could you help me, there were two men, want to pillage!” Jacky asked, “Are you artifice us?” Alex answered to Jacky, Ben, Johnny and Sam, “It was really, I do not artifice!” Sam asked, “Why do you do not tell to police?” Alex answered again, “It is because, if I told the police, you think the police will believe us?” Ben, Johnny, Jacky and Sam answered together, “We can go there, but it should be after school!” Alex said, “Okay!” Alex said again, “It should be talk our plan in “Happy Park”.
After school, they brought many weapons and they went to the “Happy Park” Jacky said, “I bring some ropes, to truss up the two men!” Johnny shouted, “That’s a good idea! But I made some sgrens, so we can disturb them!” Sam bring a model photo, so if they have some unexpected, they could call the police. Ben brought five toy guns for each other. Finally, Alex brought five interphones.
Then, they made a plan. They need to bring the entire weapon, and they needed to run after the man! Ben asked, “What is they man?” Alex answered, “He wore a big blue T-shirt, a red short, a green hot, a pair of yellow shone. They saw the HSBC at half past six. Alex went to the HSBC and said to the attendant of HSBC, “At seven o’clock, it will have two men to pillage the money of this bank!” The attendant of the HSBC said to Alex, “You can’t play this thing; it is not speak in game! You can sit there and see the man!” Alex was angry, but he needed to help the bank.
When it was seven o’clock, a man went to the bank and he used a gun to directional the attendant of HSBC. Alex was very scared and used the interphone to call other coagents. Alex threw the sgran and used the rope to catch the man. After the smog disappeared, the man had caught there. Alex thought and used the interphones to call the friend, “Are there anyone ran out the bank?” Ben answered, “There have a man ran out!” Alex shouted, “It was the bandit!” Ben ran after the man and used the toy gun to shoot the man and shouted, “There a bandit!” Suddenly, a policeman appeared and caught him.
Finally, they got rules and famous in the school.
When Alex went back home, he saw his best friends and said, “Could you help me, there were two men, want to pillage!” Jacky asked, “Are you artifice us?” Alex answered to Jacky, Ben, Johnny and Sam, “It was really, I do not artifice!” Sam asked, “Why do you do not tell to police?” Alex answered again, “It is because, if I told the police, you think the police will believe us?” Ben, Johnny, Jacky and Sam answered together, “We can go there, but it should be after school!” Alex said, “Okay!” Alex said again, “It should be talk our plan in “Happy Park”.
After school, they brought many weapons and they went to the “Happy Park” Jacky said, “I bring some ropes, to truss up the two men!” Johnny shouted, “That’s a good idea! But I made some sgrens, so we can disturb them!” Sam bring a model photo, so if they have some unexpected, they could call the police. Ben brought five toy guns for each other. Finally, Alex brought five interphones.
Then, they made a plan. They need to bring the entire weapon, and they needed to run after the man! Ben asked, “What is they man?” Alex answered, “He wore a big blue T-shirt, a red short, a green hot, a pair of yellow shone. They saw the HSBC at half past six. Alex went to the HSBC and said to the attendant of HSBC, “At seven o’clock, it will have two men to pillage the money of this bank!” The attendant of the HSBC said to Alex, “You can’t play this thing; it is not speak in game! You can sit there and see the man!” Alex was angry, but he needed to help the bank.
When it was seven o’clock, a man went to the bank and he used a gun to directional the attendant of HSBC. Alex was very scared and used the interphone to call other coagents. Alex threw the sgran and used the rope to catch the man. After the smog disappeared, the man had caught there. Alex thought and used the interphones to call the friend, “Are there anyone ran out the bank?” Ben answered, “There have a man ran out!” Alex shouted, “It was the bandit!” Ben ran after the man and used the toy gun to shoot the man and shouted, “There a bandit!” Suddenly, a policeman appeared and caught him.
Finally, they got rules and famous in the school.
20090929
“Alex was going to school this morning, and he saw a man in black standing in front of the bank. Then Alex recognized him – he’s the wanted man in the news last night! The man was talking on the phone, “Hey, I’m going to start our plan. 7 o’clock tonight, right? I will bring 2 guns. See you at HSBC.” Alex knew he’s going to do something bad, but didn’t know what it would be. He wanted to tell the police, but he was afraid that the policemen would not believe him. He thought to himself, “Maybe I can stop him! Let me go home and plan about this!” He didn’t go to school and went home quickly.”
Write a story starting with this paragraph.
Words to use:
- accomplice
- toy gun
- weapon
- headquarters
THINK ABOUT:
- Would Alex ask for help? From adults or friends?
- What kind of things could he find from his schoolbag and his home to fight the bad guys?
- How could he protect himself (the bad guy had 2 guns and some other friends)?
Write a story starting with this paragraph.
Words to use:
- accomplice
- toy gun
- weapon
- headquarters
THINK ABOUT:
- Would Alex ask for help? From adults or friends?
- What kind of things could he find from his schoolbag and his home to fight the bad guys?
- How could he protect himself (the bad guy had 2 guns and some other friends)?
Sam's Turning Point
Sam was a young child living in “Happy Village”. Sam was poor, Sam’s mother worked hard in the village. His mother used all her money to help Sam to go to school. So, Sam was very hard-working at school. When he took a bath, he needed to go to the river. Sam learned to swim at school, so he always swam in the river when he had a bath.
Sam did not have any friends, because he was very poor. The other children only played with a rich child, Ken. When Sam went to school, he was very good at swimming, so he used all his money to buy swimming trunks. Sam was very happy to have them, so he went to the river everyday. Sam went to the river and swam very fast. A swimming coach saw him and took him to a swimming pool. Sam was very amazed, because it was his first time to go to a swimming pool.
The coach said, “I am a swimmer in the Hong Kong team. I am Tom. If you can swim 50 meters in less than 0.9 seconds, I will make you a swimmer of the Hong Kong team!” Tom thought, “Sam can’t do it this time!” When Sam finished swimming, he checked the time and said, “Sorry, I was very slow, I will be faster!” Tom was very amazed, because Sam finished in 0.874 seconds. Tom apologized to Sam, “Can you join our team?”
Tom used a lot of money to help Sam to be a good swimmer. When Sam was 16 years old, he could swim very fast. He won nine competitions in the swimming gala of his school. Tom was very famous in the school.
Sam went to Beijing to join the Olympics one month later. He joined eight competitions and he won them all. He was the first Hong Kong athlete to win swimming gold medals. When he went back to Hong Kong, many reporters asked him, “How do you feel after winning eight medals?” Sam answered, “I thank my coach, my family and all my fans!”
Sam and his family became rich and his family did not need to work anymore. Tom told Sam, “You can’t be proud, you need to join other competitions! You can have one week to rest!” After Tom left Sam’s big house, Sam went to the river to swim again. Although he moved to another place, he always swam in the river.
When he went to school, many students played with him and he had many friends. The principal said, “Sam is our example. Although he is poor, he is very hard-working!”
Sam did not have any friends, because he was very poor. The other children only played with a rich child, Ken. When Sam went to school, he was very good at swimming, so he used all his money to buy swimming trunks. Sam was very happy to have them, so he went to the river everyday. Sam went to the river and swam very fast. A swimming coach saw him and took him to a swimming pool. Sam was very amazed, because it was his first time to go to a swimming pool.
The coach said, “I am a swimmer in the Hong Kong team. I am Tom. If you can swim 50 meters in less than 0.9 seconds, I will make you a swimmer of the Hong Kong team!” Tom thought, “Sam can’t do it this time!” When Sam finished swimming, he checked the time and said, “Sorry, I was very slow, I will be faster!” Tom was very amazed, because Sam finished in 0.874 seconds. Tom apologized to Sam, “Can you join our team?”
Tom used a lot of money to help Sam to be a good swimmer. When Sam was 16 years old, he could swim very fast. He won nine competitions in the swimming gala of his school. Tom was very famous in the school.
Sam went to Beijing to join the Olympics one month later. He joined eight competitions and he won them all. He was the first Hong Kong athlete to win swimming gold medals. When he went back to Hong Kong, many reporters asked him, “How do you feel after winning eight medals?” Sam answered, “I thank my coach, my family and all my fans!”
Sam and his family became rich and his family did not need to work anymore. Tom told Sam, “You can’t be proud, you need to join other competitions! You can have one week to rest!” After Tom left Sam’s big house, Sam went to the river to swim again. Although he moved to another place, he always swam in the river.
When he went to school, many students played with him and he had many friends. The principal said, “Sam is our example. Although he is poor, he is very hard-working!”
20090927
A life-changing day
Broke --- (he was broke)
Won eight Olympic gold medals
Before: poor, no one knows me, laugh at me
After: rich, famous, strong, my country, respect me
Sport: swimming (breast stroke 400m, freestyle200m, back stroke 100m, 4x100 relay)
Alex: serious, poor, tough, 17
Coach(dad): strong, stern, National team:
The day: competition
Won eight Olympic gold medals
Before: poor, no one knows me, laugh at me
After: rich, famous, strong, my country, respect me
Sport: swimming (breast stroke 400m, freestyle200m, back stroke 100m, 4x100 relay)
Alex: serious, poor, tough, 17
Coach(dad): strong, stern, National team:
The day: competition
My first memory
It was my first time to go outside the kindergarten when I was 4 years old. We had a barbecue because I needed to join extra-curricular activities. Our teachers helped us to cook the food. There were fishballs, chicken wings and sausages.
Before we ate the food, I talked to my best friends what games we would play afterwards. We decided to play UNO. I ate the sausages and fishballs first. Finally, I ate the chicken wings happily and they were very yummy. Then, our teachers taught me how to cook the food. It was my first barbecue!
Before we ate the food, I talked to my best friends what games we would play afterwards. We decided to play UNO. I ate the sausages and fishballs first. Finally, I ate the chicken wings happily and they were very yummy. Then, our teachers taught me how to cook the food. It was my first barbecue!
20090920
Oral Presentation
My first memory-
Who? – My classmates and I
When?- K2
What? - BBQ
Where? – outside the kindergarten
Why? – extra-curricular activities
How? –
Feeling
Who? – My classmates and I
When?- K2
What? - BBQ
Where? – outside the kindergarten
Why? – extra-curricular activities
How? –
Feeling
Jacky’s Secret Guardian
Once upon a time, there was a secret in a village. A man who was called Jacky was a painter. He went to the village when he was twenty-two years old. When he went to the village, there were many shops and villagers. He went to the mountain and wanted to find a historic place.
When he went to the mountain, he saw a beautiful cat there. He didn’t know the cat was the mountain’s guardian. He saw that the cat looked very hungry, so he took it back home. The cat looked like a baby very much, so he called it Baby. When he was too tired to draw a picture, he saw the cat. He was not tired and drew many pictures. After he drew the pictures, there were many villagers going there and buying his pictures. Jacky felt very lucky.
One day, when Jacky was reading the newspaper, he read that the mountain’s guardian had disappeared. Jacky was very interested in this, and he used the computer to find the guardian. He found that the guardian was the cat living at his home. He was very scared and wanted to put the cat back. When Jacky held the cat up, he felt that it was very hot. Jacky knew if he didn’t put it back, the mountain might disappear. He was tired holding the cat and his hands were very hot and red.
Jacky arrived at the village and saw no villagers. It looked like a forest, and did not have anything. When Jacky put the cat back to the mountain, he saw that there were many shops and villagers in the village. Jacky was very sad, because he could not see the cat everyday.
Jacky married a girl after two years. He was very happy, because the girl was very beautiful. Her name was called Yoyo, and she was a painter too. They always drew together and they were very happy. When Jacky went to the village to buy some food, he forgot to bring the money. He found some money in the bag and thought, “Who put the money into my bag?”
Whenever Jacky forgot something, Yoyo would remind him. Jacky felt very lucky and they had a baby. Jacky called the baby Annie. One night, a man burned their house. Yoyo went out of the house and she caught the man. Then, they found a new house. Jacky knew Yoyo was the mountain’s guardian. He did not want to lose her and they lived happily in the new house.
Jacky's secrets!
Once upon a time, there was a secret in a village. A man who was called Jacky is a painter. He went to the village when he was twenty-two years old. When he went to the village, there were many shop and villagers. He went to the mountain and wanted to find a place of historic. When he went to the mountain, he saw a beautiful cat there. He didn’t know the cat is the mountain’s guardian. He saw the cat looked like very hungry, so he put it went to his home. He saw the cat very looked liked the baby, so he called it Baby. When he was very tired to draw a picture, he saw the cat, and he did not tired and drew many pictures. After he drew the pictures, there were many people went to there and bought his pictures. Jacky felt very lucky.
One day, when Jacky read the newspaper, he saw, the mountain’s guardian disappeared. Jacky was very interested in this, and he used the computer and found the mountain’s guardian. He saw the mountain’s guardian was the cat lived in his home. He was very scared and wanted to put the cat back. When Jacky took the cat up, he felt very hot of the cat. Jacky knew if he didn’t out it back, the mountain might disappeared. Jacky took the cat tired and his hand was very hot and red.
Jacky arrived the village and saw no any villager in the village. It looked like a forest, and did not have any things. When Jacky put the cat back to the mountain, he saw the village had a shop and people. Jacky was very sad, because he could not saw the cat everyday.
Jacky married a girl after two years. Jacky was very happy, because the girl was very beautiful. Her name was called Yoyo, she was a painter too. They always drew the picture together and they were very happy. When Jacky went to the village to buy some food, he forgot to bring the money to buy the food. He found some money in the bag and thought, “Who put the money into my bag?”
When Jacky forgot anything, Yoyo would help her to solve the question. Jacky felt very lucky and they had a baby. Jacky called the baby- Annie. One day night, a man burned there home. Yoyo went out the house and she caught the man and they found a house again. Jacky knew Yoyo was the mountain’s guardian. He did not want to lose “it” and they lived happy in the new house.
One day, when Jacky read the newspaper, he saw, the mountain’s guardian disappeared. Jacky was very interested in this, and he used the computer and found the mountain’s guardian. He saw the mountain’s guardian was the cat lived in his home. He was very scared and wanted to put the cat back. When Jacky took the cat up, he felt very hot of the cat. Jacky knew if he didn’t out it back, the mountain might disappeared. Jacky took the cat tired and his hand was very hot and red.
Jacky arrived the village and saw no any villager in the village. It looked like a forest, and did not have any things. When Jacky put the cat back to the mountain, he saw the village had a shop and people. Jacky was very sad, because he could not saw the cat everyday.
Jacky married a girl after two years. Jacky was very happy, because the girl was very beautiful. Her name was called Yoyo, she was a painter too. They always drew the picture together and they were very happy. When Jacky went to the village to buy some food, he forgot to bring the money to buy the food. He found some money in the bag and thought, “Who put the money into my bag?”
When Jacky forgot anything, Yoyo would help her to solve the question. Jacky felt very lucky and they had a baby. Jacky called the baby- Annie. One day night, a man burned there home. Yoyo went out the house and she caught the man and they found a house again. Jacky knew Yoyo was the mountain’s guardian. He did not want to lose “it” and they lived happy in the new house.
20090916
ORAL PRESENTATION
Today, I want to talk about my experience of being cheated. I was always cheated by my parents when I was young. The experience I remember the most is when I was seven years old, my parents and I went to the cinema and watched a movie called “101 Dogs”. When I watched the movie, I asked my parents, “What would happen if we sit close to the screen?” My parents answered, “Then the actors in the movie would catch you into the screen.” So I didn’t want to sit close to the screen when I was young.
When I was 10 years old, we went to the cinema and watched another movie. But we sat very close to the screen. When we watched the movie, I asked again, “Why aren’t we caught into the screen?” My parents answered, “It is not true. But if we sit close to the screen, we will be short-sighted.” Afterwards, I thought I was very stupid. I would not trust everything my parents said.
When I was 10 years old, we went to the cinema and watched another movie. But we sat very close to the screen. When we watched the movie, I asked again, “Why aren’t we caught into the screen?” My parents answered, “It is not true. But if we sit close to the screen, we will be short-sighted.” Afterwards, I thought I was very stupid. I would not trust everything my parents said.
20090913
story about pranks - amended
Ken and Tommy were students in the guidance class of a secondary school. Tommy did not have friends in the class. It was because Tommy was a smart student in the class, but other classmates didn’t think so. Ken was the class leader. When Tommy went to school, Ken hit Tommy at the staircase. Tommy fainted. Ken took him to the classroom and stole Tommy’s wallet.
Tommy knew he had become a target. He wanted to tell the teacher. But Tommy thought, “If I told my teacher, I might become a target in the class!” Tommy was very frightened and wanted to go back home.
Ken was very bored and he told his classmates he wanted to play pranks on the teacher. When Tommy went to the classroom, he heard this idea. Tommy wanted to be Ken’s friend because Tommy was very bored everyday and was bullied by other children. Tommy had an idea to play pranks on his teacher. He thought, “I can put a mouse in his bag!” When the teacher went into the classroom, he saw a mouse and shouted, “Who put it into my bag?” Ken answered, “It was Tommy!”
Tommy stood outside the classroom when the teacher knew he did it. Tommy was very sad. When it was recess, Ken said cunningly, “You are very bad! You can’t be part of us!” Tommy went to the classroom and saw there was a picture on his chair. Ken’s friend played a prank on Tommy. During math class, the teacher saw the picture on Tommy’s chair and shouted angrily, “Why did you draw a picture on your chair, Tommy?”
Then, Tommy went out of the classroom again. He went to play basketball after school. He was very happy. When he wanted to go back home, Ken came to catch Tommy’s ball and shouted, “From now on, your ball is mine!”
When Tommy went back home, he had an idea and went to school the next day happily. Tommy went to school very early, then he put many frogs on all children’s chairs and wrote a letter. It wrote, “I don’t want to be hurt anymore!” After he played this prank, Tommy’s classmates and Ken became his friends. Ken felt very guilty, and they played basketball together. Tommy thought, “Playing pranks might not be a bad thing!”
CONTENT: 4/5 GRAMMER: 3/5
Tommy knew he had become a target. He wanted to tell the teacher. But Tommy thought, “If I told my teacher, I might become a target in the class!” Tommy was very frightened and wanted to go back home.
Ken was very bored and he told his classmates he wanted to play pranks on the teacher. When Tommy went to the classroom, he heard this idea. Tommy wanted to be Ken’s friend because Tommy was very bored everyday and was bullied by other children. Tommy had an idea to play pranks on his teacher. He thought, “I can put a mouse in his bag!” When the teacher went into the classroom, he saw a mouse and shouted, “Who put it into my bag?” Ken answered, “It was Tommy!”
Tommy stood outside the classroom when the teacher knew he did it. Tommy was very sad. When it was recess, Ken said cunningly, “You are very bad! You can’t be part of us!” Tommy went to the classroom and saw there was a picture on his chair. Ken’s friend played a prank on Tommy. During math class, the teacher saw the picture on Tommy’s chair and shouted angrily, “Why did you draw a picture on your chair, Tommy?”
Then, Tommy went out of the classroom again. He went to play basketball after school. He was very happy. When he wanted to go back home, Ken came to catch Tommy’s ball and shouted, “From now on, your ball is mine!”
When Tommy went back home, he had an idea and went to school the next day happily. Tommy went to school very early, then he put many frogs on all children’s chairs and wrote a letter. It wrote, “I don’t want to be hurt anymore!” After he played this prank, Tommy’s classmates and Ken became his friends. Ken felt very guilty, and they played basketball together. Tommy thought, “Playing pranks might not be a bad thing!”
CONTENT: 4/5 GRAMMER: 3/5
20090902
The Revenge - amended
When Sam was young, he always hit other children. They were very angry and scared. Alex was Sam’s classmate, and Sam always hit Alex too. Alex was very angry and wanted to revenge. Alex had a best friend, Ken. Sam pushed Ken into the sea from the cliff. Ken was an Egyptian, and his corpse was sent back to
When Alex was twelve years old, he solved a criminal case. He was determined to be a detective when he grew up. Alex went to the
Before he went back to
They found Ken’s parents in
Alex, Sam and Ken’s parents woke up at
When Sam went back to
Finally, Ken’s father was sent to the jail!
Revenge of a Kings
When Sam was small, he always hit other children. Other children were very angry and worried. Alex was Sam’s classmate, and Sam always hit Alex. Alex was very angry and wanted to revenge. But, Alex’s best friend- Ken. Sam hit Ken to the sea from the ashore. Ken was a Egyptian, and his corpse was in the Egypt. When Alex was twelve years old, he solved a criminal case. Then, he determined to be a detective when he was grown up. But, Alex went to USA, when he was nineteen years old. Alex was very exerting oneself and he became a famous detective.
When he went it back, he had solved many criminal cases. They were in England’s kidnap case. Hong Kong’s adventure in a confined space case. When Alex went back Hong Kong, Sam went to Alex’s office and said, “I got two letter here. It writes: I am Ken, I will kill you! I was very worried!” Alex said, “I will help you! But, we need to go to Egypt!” Then, Alex and Sam went to the Egypt.
They found Ken’s parent in to the Egypt. When they went there, they saw Ken’s house was very big. They saw Ken was Egypt’s king son. Sam was very frightened. It was because he said to Ken was very poor when they were thirteen years old. Sam was very sorry to Ken’s father and Ken’s mother.
When it was night old o’clock, Alex woke up with Sam and Ken’s father and Ken’s mother. Alex said, “We need to go to the pyramidal to find Ken’s corpse. They were very frightened when they went to the pyramidal. There was a letter in top of Ken’s corpse. Sam read it, “I will kill you when you went back Hong Kong!” Sam thought, “If I could go back small, I will take care of him.
When Sam went to Hong Kong, Sam died in to Hong Kong international airport. Alex said, “Egypt’s king was a cutthroat!” Egypt’s king said amazed, “Why do you know I use the knife to kill Sam?” Alex said you did not worried and you were the last man to go with Ken. Alex said, “When you done your revenge!” The king said, “I lose my son was very sad and I need to help my son to revenge!” Alex answered, “Do you think your son know want you to kill Sam?”
Then, Ken’s father had went to the jails!
When he went it back, he had solved many criminal cases. They were in England’s kidnap case. Hong Kong’s adventure in a confined space case. When Alex went back Hong Kong, Sam went to Alex’s office and said, “I got two letter here. It writes: I am Ken, I will kill you! I was very worried!” Alex said, “I will help you! But, we need to go to Egypt!” Then, Alex and Sam went to the Egypt.
They found Ken’s parent in to the Egypt. When they went there, they saw Ken’s house was very big. They saw Ken was Egypt’s king son. Sam was very frightened. It was because he said to Ken was very poor when they were thirteen years old. Sam was very sorry to Ken’s father and Ken’s mother.
When it was night old o’clock, Alex woke up with Sam and Ken’s father and Ken’s mother. Alex said, “We need to go to the pyramidal to find Ken’s corpse. They were very frightened when they went to the pyramidal. There was a letter in top of Ken’s corpse. Sam read it, “I will kill you when you went back Hong Kong!” Sam thought, “If I could go back small, I will take care of him.
When Sam went to Hong Kong, Sam died in to Hong Kong international airport. Alex said, “Egypt’s king was a cutthroat!” Egypt’s king said amazed, “Why do you know I use the knife to kill Sam?” Alex said you did not worried and you were the last man to go with Ken. Alex said, “When you done your revenge!” The king said, “I lose my son was very sad and I need to help my son to revenge!” Alex answered, “Do you think your son know want you to kill Sam?”
Then, Ken’s father had went to the jails!
20090831
Alex and a Space
Once upon a time, there were are horse called Ben. He was a smile pet in the earth. When he was small, his mother had died. He was very sad. When he went to the park, a boy said, “Today, I kill a horse!” Ben was very angry, his angry made a space. The boy was very scared and he had hard-pressed in to the space. The boy was hungry and wanted to eat a lot of food. Finally, he died in the space. But Ben was very old and he only killed twenty-two years old. Then he died at 2nd February, 1984.
Form then on, an owner of horse had disappeared at 2nd February. Police was very worried. So they invited a detective. The detective was a smile boy. He was called Alex. He observed the owner of the horse. When he went to the horse room, he saw an old horse, the horse was very old. Alex was very frightened, because he saw the horse’s eye was very red. Alex was very inquisitive about the horse. Suddenly, he knew the horse was Ben. He ran after the horse. Finally, Alex went to the space. Alex was very smile and brought all the food and drink. Alex was in the space.
When he was full, he saw a door in to the line. He went to 1984 went he went of the door. He went out the door and he saw the horse room. Alex was very amazed, because he saw a boy wanted to kill the horse, so Alex prevent from the boy. Ben saw Alex helped his mother was very happy, and all the things were disappear. All the people who were disappearing and went back the world, but the space were disappear. If the space disappeared, Alex would disappear too.
Alex said to the horse, “I will disappear!” Ben’s mother was very sad and she used her power to helped Alex went back 2009’s Hong Kong. Alex was very happy. Then, he went to the police and he was famous and always needed to work everyday.
Form then on, an owner of horse had disappeared at 2nd February. Police was very worried. So they invited a detective. The detective was a smile boy. He was called Alex. He observed the owner of the horse. When he went to the horse room, he saw an old horse, the horse was very old. Alex was very frightened, because he saw the horse’s eye was very red. Alex was very inquisitive about the horse. Suddenly, he knew the horse was Ben. He ran after the horse. Finally, Alex went to the space. Alex was very smile and brought all the food and drink. Alex was in the space.
When he was full, he saw a door in to the line. He went to 1984 went he went of the door. He went out the door and he saw the horse room. Alex was very amazed, because he saw a boy wanted to kill the horse, so Alex prevent from the boy. Ben saw Alex helped his mother was very happy, and all the things were disappear. All the people who were disappearing and went back the world, but the space were disappear. If the space disappeared, Alex would disappear too.
Alex said to the horse, “I will disappear!” Ben’s mother was very sad and she used her power to helped Alex went back 2009’s Hong Kong. Alex was very happy. Then, he went to the police and he was famous and always needed to work everyday.
20090828
Adventure in a confined space 不能外出的空間
It can be as small as a box, or as big as a country.
Focus 重點 on feelings 感覺 and reactions反應.
Focus 重點 on feelings 感覺 and reactions反應.
My 1st birthday party! - amended
I think I have arrived at this world for one year. But why can’t I walk and can’t speak? I have been to the park for three times. I also need to go there today. Mama looked very happy, but I could not ask her why she looked so happy. I played with the children there for about two hours. Then Mama took me to the supermarket and bought a lot of food like sausages, pineapples, chips, etc. Afterwards, we went back home and she jotted something down. Mama took me to take the bus and went to
We entered the park, and I played the merry-go-round with Mama first. My grandparents arrived and we went to the restaurant to take lunch. I could eat a bit of porridge. It was my first time eating it, and it was very delicious. After we finished lunch, we played other thrill rides.
Afterwards, we went to the Ocean Theater to see dolphins and sea lions. Those dolphins were very lovely and we took a lot of photos. We were all tired and we took a bus home.
They were all busy to make dinner when we were home. I played with my sister in the living room for about an hour. Papa was holding a very big box when he came back. But he didn’t let me know what was inside the box. I was very curious, and always touched that box. I guessed that thing inside might be eatable.
Mama was afraid that I would break the box, so she put the box into the refrigerator carefully. I was unhappy and my sister cheered me up with a toy. After a moment, Mama took some sausages and pineapples to me and I ate them all. There was a lot of food during dinner. I ate a lot and they also gave me some juice. This was my first sip of juice.
We chatted after dinner. Suddenly, father took the box out, and sang a birthday song to me. It was a birthday cake inside that box. They divided the cake into many pieces. Papa blew the candle together with me. Then, we finished the cake happily. I had an unforgettable birthday.
SCORE:
2.5/5 (content) 3/5 (grammar)
My 1st borthday party!
Oh. I think I went to this world for one year. But why I can’t walk and why I can’t say the words? I went to the park three day. Today I need to go to the park too. Mama look like very happy but I can’t ask her why she looks like so happy. I played with those children about two hours. And then Mama took me to the supermarket and buys many foods like sausages, pineapple, chips, and many things. And then we went back home and settled down everything. Mama took me to take the bus and went to Ocean Park buy two tickets.
We enter the park, I played Marry-go-around with Mama first. My grandma and grandpa were arrived Ocean Park and we went to the restaurant to take the lunch. I can eat the food of a little liquid substance. Although I took a meal food, felt very delicious for the first time. After we finished the lunch then we played other dynamoelectric games.
After play the dynamoelectric games, we went to Ocean Theater to see dolphin and sea lion. Those dolphins were very lovely and we also take a lot of photo. We all played tired then we take a bus to go home.
They all busy to make dinner after went back home . I played with my sister in the living room about one hour. Father held a very big box when he comes back. But he didn’t make me know what inside the box. I was very curious, and always made that box. I felt that thing might can eat. Mother saw I would break the box, put back the box to refrigerator carefully. I was unhappy immediately then elder sister took a toy to coax me. After a moment, mother took some sausages and pineapples to me and I eat them all. They finished cookingat 7:00p.m. Today's dinner looked like many foods. I ate many foods and they also grant me to drink juice. This is my first sip juice.
Everyone chatted together after finished the dinner. Suddenly, father held that box to come out, and sang birthday song to me, that box was birthday cake. They divided the cake into many pieces. Father blew the candle together with me. Then, we finished the cake happily. Then I have a unforgettable one year old birthday.
We enter the park, I played Marry-go-around with Mama first. My grandma and grandpa were arrived Ocean Park and we went to the restaurant to take the lunch. I can eat the food of a little liquid substance. Although I took a meal food, felt very delicious for the first time. After we finished the lunch then we played other dynamoelectric games.
After play the dynamoelectric games, we went to Ocean Theater to see dolphin and sea lion. Those dolphins were very lovely and we also take a lot of photo. We all played tired then we take a bus to go home.
They all busy to make dinner after went back home . I played with my sister in the living room about one hour. Father held a very big box when he comes back. But he didn’t make me know what inside the box. I was very curious, and always made that box. I felt that thing might can eat. Mother saw I would break the box, put back the box to refrigerator carefully. I was unhappy immediately then elder sister took a toy to coax me. After a moment, mother took some sausages and pineapples to me and I eat them all. They finished cookingat 7:00p.m. Today's dinner looked like many foods. I ate many foods and they also grant me to drink juice. This is my first sip juice.
Everyone chatted together after finished the dinner. Suddenly, father held that box to come out, and sang birthday song to me, that box was birthday cake. They divided the cake into many pieces. Father blew the candle together with me. Then, we finished the cake happily. Then I have a unforgettable one year old birthday.
20090825
The Kidnap of Two Rabbits - amended
Once upon a time, there was a king called Jacky. He married a girl when he was twenty-two years old. His wife was called Jenny.
When they went to a park one day, they saw a beautiful rabbit. Jenny liked it very much because it was white and red. So they brought it back to the palace. They called it Baby. From then on, a lot of people living in the city owned a rabbit. Everyone called it a lucky animal. Jacky bought a rabbit from a pet shop too. So there were two rabbits living in the palace. Baby was a girl rabbit and Hin was a boy rabbit. They played in the park of the palace. It was called Baby In Park. The king and the queen were very happy everyday.
A thief called Ken liked to steal animals in the city. His target was the king’s rabbit. He sent a letter to warn the king. It wrote, “Hi, I am Ken! I am the best thief in this city. I will steal two rabbits tomorrow!” When Jacky and Jenny went back to the palace, they saw the letter and were very worried, so they asked the police to protect the rabbits.
Baby and Hin disappeared at 5pm. Everyone was very astonished. Luckily, the king had called a private detective. The private detective was called Alex. He said, “The thief was a retired policeman. Alex was a clever private detective in the city. The retired policeman was called Ken. He lived in the Extra Hotel. The king was very worried and shouted, “I can give you $200,000, but you need to find my two rabbits!” Alex answered, “Okay!”
Alex went to the Extra Hotel, found Ken’s room and put a letter there. The letter wrote, “I will get back the rabbits!” Ken was very worried and did not know what to do. The king was very unhappy and worried everyday.
Next day, Ken put the rabbits into the river and said, “You have to die, bye!” Alex appeared suddenly and said, “You will go to prison!” Then, Alex took Ken to prison.
Finally, Alex brought the two rabbits back to the palace and went back home. Everyone knew him from then on.
SCORE:
3.5/5 (content) 3.5/5 (grammar)
When they went to a park one day, they saw a beautiful rabbit. Jenny liked it very much because it was white and red. So they brought it back to the palace. They called it Baby. From then on, a lot of people living in the city owned a rabbit. Everyone called it a lucky animal. Jacky bought a rabbit from a pet shop too. So there were two rabbits living in the palace. Baby was a girl rabbit and Hin was a boy rabbit. They played in the park of the palace. It was called Baby In Park. The king and the queen were very happy everyday.
A thief called Ken liked to steal animals in the city. His target was the king’s rabbit. He sent a letter to warn the king. It wrote, “Hi, I am Ken! I am the best thief in this city. I will steal two rabbits tomorrow!” When Jacky and Jenny went back to the palace, they saw the letter and were very worried, so they asked the police to protect the rabbits.
Baby and Hin disappeared at 5pm. Everyone was very astonished. Luckily, the king had called a private detective. The private detective was called Alex. He said, “The thief was a retired policeman. Alex was a clever private detective in the city. The retired policeman was called Ken. He lived in the Extra Hotel. The king was very worried and shouted, “I can give you $200,000, but you need to find my two rabbits!” Alex answered, “Okay!”
Alex went to the Extra Hotel, found Ken’s room and put a letter there. The letter wrote, “I will get back the rabbits!” Ken was very worried and did not know what to do. The king was very unhappy and worried everyday.
Next day, Ken put the rabbits into the river and said, “You have to die, bye!” Alex appeared suddenly and said, “You will go to prison!” Then, Alex took Ken to prison.
Finally, Alex brought the two rabbits back to the palace and went back home. Everyone knew him from then on.
SCORE:
3.5/5 (content) 3.5/5 (grammar)
20090823
Retriever's Alex
Once upon a time, there was a king was call Jacky. He married a girl, when he was twenty- two years old. His wife was calling Jenny.
When they went to the park, they saw a beautiful rabbit there. Jenny was very like it, because it was white and red. So they brought it back to the palace. They call its name is Baby. From then on, all of the people lived in the city were a lot of people had a rabbit. All the people call it lucky animals. Jacky bought a rabbit in a pet shop too. So in the palace, there were two rabbit lived in there. Baby was a girl rabbit and Hin was a boy rabbit. They played in the palace. There was a park in the palace, its name was calling Baby In Park. King and Queen was very happy everyday.
Sunday night, a pilferer was called Ken. He liked to steal the animals in the city. It target was the king’s rabbit. He used a litter to call the king. The little wrote “Hi, I am Ken! I was the best pilferer in this city. Tomorrow, I will target two rabbit. When Jacky and Jenny went back palace, they saw the little and very worried, so they invited policemen to protect the rabbit.
Baby and Hin were disappeared when it was five O’clock. All the people were very astonished. Lucky, the king called the retriever. The retriever was called Alex. He said, “The pilferer was a retire policeman. Alex was a clever retriever in the city. The retire policeman was calling Ken. He was lived in the ABC hotel. King was very worried and shouted, “I can give you $200,000, but you need to find my two rabbit!” Alex answered, “Okay!”
Alex went to the ABC hotel and fought Ken room and put a little there. The little was written “I will get back the rabbit!” Ken was very worried and did not know how to do. The king was very unhappy and he very worried everyday.
Next day, the Ken put the rabbit into the river and said, “You need to die, bye!” Alex flew in the sky and said, “You will go to the prison!” Then, Alex caught Ken into the prison.
Finally, Alex brought the two rabbit back to the palace and he went back to his home. All the people learned he from than on.
When they went to the park, they saw a beautiful rabbit there. Jenny was very like it, because it was white and red. So they brought it back to the palace. They call its name is Baby. From then on, all of the people lived in the city were a lot of people had a rabbit. All the people call it lucky animals. Jacky bought a rabbit in a pet shop too. So in the palace, there were two rabbit lived in there. Baby was a girl rabbit and Hin was a boy rabbit. They played in the palace. There was a park in the palace, its name was calling Baby In Park. King and Queen was very happy everyday.
Sunday night, a pilferer was called Ken. He liked to steal the animals in the city. It target was the king’s rabbit. He used a litter to call the king. The little wrote “Hi, I am Ken! I was the best pilferer in this city. Tomorrow, I will target two rabbit. When Jacky and Jenny went back palace, they saw the little and very worried, so they invited policemen to protect the rabbit.
Baby and Hin were disappeared when it was five O’clock. All the people were very astonished. Lucky, the king called the retriever. The retriever was called Alex. He said, “The pilferer was a retire policeman. Alex was a clever retriever in the city. The retire policeman was calling Ken. He was lived in the ABC hotel. King was very worried and shouted, “I can give you $200,000, but you need to find my two rabbit!” Alex answered, “Okay!”
Alex went to the ABC hotel and fought Ken room and put a little there. The little was written “I will get back the rabbit!” Ken was very worried and did not know how to do. The king was very unhappy and he very worried everyday.
Next day, the Ken put the rabbit into the river and said, “You need to die, bye!” Alex flew in the sky and said, “You will go to the prison!” Then, Alex caught Ken into the prison.
Finally, Alex brought the two rabbit back to the palace and he went back to his home. All the people learned he from than on.
20090820
Alex and His Shadow - amended
Once upon a time, there was a man called Ken. When he was young, he liked to study his shadow very much. He observed it under the sun.
When he has finished his study, his father had a severe headache. So he used his research to help his father. Ken studied many kinds of medicine to help his father. Then, he became a famous scientist. Everyone knew him. Ken and his father were not poor anymore. He was very happy.
He disappeared when he was twenty-three years old. His father was very sad and did not know what to do. Ken was found dead near a beach four years later. His father was very sad and wanted to commit suicide. His father buried him under the sea.
Fifty years later, five friends went diving in the sea. They were Sam, Alan, Ben, Jenny and Alex. They were about twenty years old. When they arrived at the wreckage of an old ship, they found a lot of medicine and took all of them. They found Ken’s corpse and a pill in his hand.
When Alex went back home, he took the pill, but nothing happened. In the evening, his shadow went out and said, “I don’t want to be a shadow. I want to be a person!” Alex was very worried and did not know what to do. The shadow said, “A, B, C! I am now a person!” Then, Alex became a shadow and the shadow became a person. The shadow was very happy and used Alex’s money to buy food. It was very hungry and spent all the money.
Alex was very tired, but he could not stop walking, because as a shadow he needed to run after the owner. When they went back home, Alex was very hungry, but he could not do anything. When Alex was very hungry, the shadow said, “You can’t be a person anymore. Now, you are the shadow and need to run after me!”
Alex was very sad and asked, “Why did Ken disappear?” The shadow answered, “He was killed by his shadow! Ken and his shadow switched roles. The shadow stood near the beach and used a lit match to kill Ken!”
Suddenly, Alex knew what happened and asked the shadow, “You can’t see me. How can you kill me?” The shadow was very unhappy and stood in front of the sun. Alex said, “A, B, C! I am now a person!” Then, Alex became a person and killed the shadow. He had a new shadow. He used this story to write a book and became a famous writer.
SCORE:
4/5 (content) 3/5 (grammar)
When he has finished his study, his father had a severe headache. So he used his research to help his father. Ken studied many kinds of medicine to help his father. Then, he became a famous scientist. Everyone knew him. Ken and his father were not poor anymore. He was very happy.
He disappeared when he was twenty-three years old. His father was very sad and did not know what to do. Ken was found dead near a beach four years later. His father was very sad and wanted to commit suicide. His father buried him under the sea.
Fifty years later, five friends went diving in the sea. They were Sam, Alan, Ben, Jenny and Alex. They were about twenty years old. When they arrived at the wreckage of an old ship, they found a lot of medicine and took all of them. They found Ken’s corpse and a pill in his hand.
When Alex went back home, he took the pill, but nothing happened. In the evening, his shadow went out and said, “I don’t want to be a shadow. I want to be a person!” Alex was very worried and did not know what to do. The shadow said, “A, B, C! I am now a person!” Then, Alex became a shadow and the shadow became a person. The shadow was very happy and used Alex’s money to buy food. It was very hungry and spent all the money.
Alex was very tired, but he could not stop walking, because as a shadow he needed to run after the owner. When they went back home, Alex was very hungry, but he could not do anything. When Alex was very hungry, the shadow said, “You can’t be a person anymore. Now, you are the shadow and need to run after me!”
Alex was very sad and asked, “Why did Ken disappear?” The shadow answered, “He was killed by his shadow! Ken and his shadow switched roles. The shadow stood near the beach and used a lit match to kill Ken!”
Suddenly, Alex knew what happened and asked the shadow, “You can’t see me. How can you kill me?” The shadow was very unhappy and stood in front of the sun. Alex said, “A, B, C! I am now a person!” Then, Alex became a person and killed the shadow. He had a new shadow. He used this story to write a book and became a famous writer.
SCORE:
4/5 (content) 3/5 (grammar)
20090819
Alex's Sadow and Alex
Once upon a time, a man called Ken. When he was young, he very liked to investigate shadow. When he has done his investigate, his father had a big headache. So he used his investigate to help his father. Ken investigates many medicines to help his father. Then, he became a famous people. All the people learned him very much. They did not poor any more. He was very happy and very bliss. He gave lose when he was twenty-three years old. His father was very sad and did not who to do. Four years ago, Ken got slept near a beach. His father was very sad and wanted to die by himself. His father put him in to the sea and wanted to put it in to the sea.
Fifty years ago, five people skin diving near the sea. They were Sam, Alan, Ben, Jenny and Alex. They were about twenty years. When they arrived the old ship, they found so many medicines and they took all the medicines, and they found the investigator and they found his hand got medicines too.
When they went back home, they ate it, but didn’t have any amazing things. When it was in the evening, his shadow went out and said, “I don’t want to be a shadow. I want to be a person!” Alex was very worried and did not know how to do. Finally, the shadow said, “A, B, C! I become a person!” Then, Alex became a shadow and shadow became a person. Shadow was very happy and used Alex all the money to buy food. He was very hungry and he didn’t have any money.
Alex was very tired, but he could not stop to walk, because the shadow needed to run after the owner. When they went back home, Alex was very hungry, but he could not do any things. We Alex were very hungry, the shadow said, “You can’t be a person any more. Now, you is the shadow and need to run after me!”
Alex was very say and asked to his, “Why did Ken disappear?” Shadow said, “He gave his shadow killed! He stood near the sea and Ken became a shadow and gave used the fire to kill!”
Suddenly, Alex knew was happen and asked shadow, “You can’t see me, how to kill me?” The shadows were very not happy and stand on the sun. Alex said, “A, B, C! I become a person!” Then, Alex became a person and killed the shadow. Then he had a new shadow and he used this thing to wrote a book and he became a famous writer.
Fifty years ago, five people skin diving near the sea. They were Sam, Alan, Ben, Jenny and Alex. They were about twenty years. When they arrived the old ship, they found so many medicines and they took all the medicines, and they found the investigator and they found his hand got medicines too.
When they went back home, they ate it, but didn’t have any amazing things. When it was in the evening, his shadow went out and said, “I don’t want to be a shadow. I want to be a person!” Alex was very worried and did not know how to do. Finally, the shadow said, “A, B, C! I become a person!” Then, Alex became a shadow and shadow became a person. Shadow was very happy and used Alex all the money to buy food. He was very hungry and he didn’t have any money.
Alex was very tired, but he could not stop to walk, because the shadow needed to run after the owner. When they went back home, Alex was very hungry, but he could not do any things. We Alex were very hungry, the shadow said, “You can’t be a person any more. Now, you is the shadow and need to run after me!”
Alex was very say and asked to his, “Why did Ken disappear?” Shadow said, “He gave his shadow killed! He stood near the sea and Ken became a shadow and gave used the fire to kill!”
Suddenly, Alex knew was happen and asked shadow, “You can’t see me, how to kill me?” The shadows were very not happy and stand on the sun. Alex said, “A, B, C! I become a person!” Then, Alex became a person and killed the shadow. Then he had a new shadow and he used this thing to wrote a book and he became a famous writer.
20090817
My shadow's rebellion 造反
my shadow rebelled 造反 against me
What if he doesn't want to be your shadow anymore? What if he doesn't want to be in the dark, doesn't want to be following you, and doesn't want to be stepped on by you? What if he wants to be YOU?
What if he doesn't want to be your shadow anymore? What if he doesn't want to be in the dark, doesn't want to be following you, and doesn't want to be stepped on by you? What if he wants to be YOU?
My Amazing Graduation Ceremony - amended
My school was near a sea. I saw a submarine in the sea today when I went to school. I was very happy, because I could see one before I graduated from primary school. It was my graduation ceremony today, so I needed to go to school. My friends and I went into the classroom, and saw that it was written on the blackboard that the graduation ceremony would be held in the submarine. I was very happy and told this happy news to my classmates. Some of my classmates were happy, but some were frightened. I asked Sam, “Why are you unhappy?” He answered, “I don’t know how to swim!” I was very happy and asked again, “You don’t need to swim in a submarine and don’t need to worry!”
We went to the submarine by a small boat. Many people who saw us going to the ceremony were very jealous. We went onto the submarine and prepared for the ceremony. It was my first time in a submarine. The submarine was bought by our principal four years ago. I liked looking out of the windows. There were many sea animals outside.
We needed to go to the bottom of the sea and started the ceremony there. One year ago, many parents and classmates cried unhappily. We said to our teachers, “We will remember your teachings!” After the ceremony, the submarine went to a small island. The teacher said, “You can swim there!”
My friends and I swam there happily. When I went back to the submarine, I saw many classmates looking at the photos. The photos were taken before our graduation. We wanted to go back to that time.
When we left the island, the boat was lost. We were very worried and did not know what to do. Our class and our teachers used a mobile phone to call the submarine owner and said, “We lost the boat, what can we do?” The submarine owner said, “I am coming to save you!” All the classmates had gone back, but our teacher was lost. Our teacher was on the island. It was because the waves were very big.
Finally, we saved her and we went back to school. It was a amazing trip.
SCORE:
4/5 (content) 3.5/5 (grammar)
We went to the submarine by a small boat. Many people who saw us going to the ceremony were very jealous. We went onto the submarine and prepared for the ceremony. It was my first time in a submarine. The submarine was bought by our principal four years ago. I liked looking out of the windows. There were many sea animals outside.
We needed to go to the bottom of the sea and started the ceremony there. One year ago, many parents and classmates cried unhappily. We said to our teachers, “We will remember your teachings!” After the ceremony, the submarine went to a small island. The teacher said, “You can swim there!”
My friends and I swam there happily. When I went back to the submarine, I saw many classmates looking at the photos. The photos were taken before our graduation. We wanted to go back to that time.
When we left the island, the boat was lost. We were very worried and did not know what to do. Our class and our teachers used a mobile phone to call the submarine owner and said, “We lost the boat, what can we do?” The submarine owner said, “I am coming to save you!” All the classmates had gone back, but our teacher was lost. Our teacher was on the island. It was because the waves were very big.
Finally, we saved her and we went back to school. It was a amazing trip.
SCORE:
4/5 (content) 3.5/5 (grammar)
20090816
My Amazing Graduation Ceremony
My school was near a sea. I saw a submarine near my school today when I went to school. I was very amazed, because I will graduate in my primary school. My graduation ceremony was today, so I needed to go to school. My friends and I went to the classroom and saw the blackboard wrote the graduation ceremony was hold in the submarine. I was very happy and told this happy thing to my classmate. My classmate some was happy, but some was frightened. I asked Sam, “Why do you not happy?” He answered, “I don’t know how to swim!” I was very happy and asked again, “You no need to swim in the submarine and no need to worry!”
We went to the submarine and prepared the graduation ceremony. Many people saw us to go to the graduation ceremony were very jealous. We went to the graduation by a big ship. We went to the graduation and visited it. It was my first time to go to the graduation. The graduation was our school principal bought it before four years. I was very interested in the window. There were many sea animals outside the sea.
We needed to go to the sea bed and started the graduation ceremony there. We started the graduation ceremony. Before one year, many parents and classmate cried and unhappy. When we said, “Teacher you are my good teacher, I will learn you teaching!” After we done the graduation ceremony, the submarine had went to the small island. The teacher said, “Your can swim in there!” We used the boat to left out the submarine.
My friend and I swam there happy. I was very happy. When I went to the submarine, I saw many classmates watch the photo. The photo was taken by when we was graduation. We wanted to go back before.
When we left out the island, the boat had lost there. We were very worried and did not know how to do. Our class and our teacher used a model phone to call the submarine owner and said, “We lost the boat, how can we do?” The submarine owner said, “You need to use a big board to catch a rope by the submarine. All the classmate was went back, but I we lost our teacher. Our teacher was in the island. It was because the billow was very big.
Finally, we use the boat to help and it was a amazing trip.
We went to the submarine and prepared the graduation ceremony. Many people saw us to go to the graduation ceremony were very jealous. We went to the graduation by a big ship. We went to the graduation and visited it. It was my first time to go to the graduation. The graduation was our school principal bought it before four years. I was very interested in the window. There were many sea animals outside the sea.
We needed to go to the sea bed and started the graduation ceremony there. We started the graduation ceremony. Before one year, many parents and classmate cried and unhappy. When we said, “Teacher you are my good teacher, I will learn you teaching!” After we done the graduation ceremony, the submarine had went to the small island. The teacher said, “Your can swim in there!” We used the boat to left out the submarine.
My friend and I swam there happy. I was very happy. When I went to the submarine, I saw many classmates watch the photo. The photo was taken by when we was graduation. We wanted to go back before.
When we left out the island, the boat had lost there. We were very worried and did not know how to do. Our class and our teacher used a model phone to call the submarine owner and said, “We lost the boat, how can we do?” The submarine owner said, “You need to use a big board to catch a rope by the submarine. All the classmate was went back, but I we lost our teacher. Our teacher was in the island. It was because the billow was very big.
Finally, we use the boat to help and it was a amazing trip.
20090813
The first time I…
Write a story about the first time you do something. It can be something you've really done before, or something you will do or dream of doing. Be crazy!
For example:
… go to school
… go to work
… have my own restaurant
… get married
… have my own children/grandchildren
... become the President of the USA
... go to the moon
For example:
… go to school
… go to work
… have my own restaurant
… get married
… have my own children/grandchildren
... become the President of the USA
... go to the moon
The Repayment of the Chicken - amended
Once upon a time there was a chicken living near a farm. There were five children living in the farm too. The children were called Sam, Tom, Alex, Jenny and Ben. Alex was poor and needed to work everyday. He couldn’t go to school. The other children were having a lot of money and always hit Alex.
One day, when Alex went back home, he saw the other children wanting to kill the chicken. Alex shouted, “You can’t kill it, it is a life!” Then, the other children hit Alex and he got hurt. He was very happy, because the chicken did not need to die.
When he went back home, he saw that there were eight more hours on his watch. He didn’t know what happened, and slept. He usually slept for eight hours every night. When he got up, his watch said
Alex was very angry. His father hit him, he cried and ran away. When Alex ran near the river, he saw the chicken there. It looked very hungry, and he gave it some bread. Although the bread was not very delicious, the chicken enjoyed it. The bread tasted like expensive cake to Alex too. When he went to work, the chicken shouted, “You have eight more hours because of my magic. You can read your book!”
Alex was very amazed. The chicken was actually a fairy! He could go to school now because he had more time. When he went to school, he saw Ben. Ben shouted cunningly, “Alex is poor! He can’t go to our school, and he doesn’t have any knowledge!” The teacher gave Alex an admission test. When Alex had finished, the other children were very shocked, because he had gotten full marks.
Alex could go to school everyday. His classmates asked him everything. Alex was very happy and brought the chicken to school. When he grew up, he became a famous man and he brought the chicken with him everyday. They lived happily everyday and Alex became an architect.
SCORE:
Content: 3.5/5 Grammar: 3.5/5
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