The Kidnap of Two Rabbits - amended

Once upon a time, there was a king called Jacky. He married a girl when he was twenty-two years old. His wife was called Jenny.

When they went to a park one day, they saw a beautiful rabbit. Jenny liked it very much because it was white and red. So they brought it back to the palace. They called it Baby. From then on, a lot of people living in the city owned a rabbit. Everyone called it a lucky animal. Jacky bought a rabbit from a pet shop too. So there were two rabbits living in the palace. Baby was a girl rabbit and Hin was a boy rabbit. They played in the park of the palace. It was called Baby In Park. The king and the queen were very happy everyday.

A thief called Ken liked to steal animals in the city. His target was the king’s rabbit. He sent a letter to warn the king. It wrote, “Hi, I am Ken! I am the best thief in this city. I will steal two rabbits tomorrow!” When Jacky and Jenny went back to the palace, they saw the letter and were very worried, so they asked the police to protect the rabbits.

Baby and Hin disappeared at 5pm. Everyone was very astonished. Luckily, the king had called a private detective. The private detective was called Alex. He said, “The thief was a retired policeman. Alex was a clever private detective in the city. The retired policeman was called Ken. He lived in the Extra Hotel. The king was very worried and shouted, “I can give you $200,000, but you need to find my two rabbits!” Alex answered, “Okay!”

Alex went to the Extra Hotel, found Ken’s room and put a letter there. The letter wrote, “I will get back the rabbits!” Ken was very worried and did not know what to do. The king was very unhappy and worried everyday.

Next day, Ken put the rabbits into the river and said, “You have to die, bye!” Alex appeared suddenly and said, “You will go to prison!” Then, Alex took Ken to prison.

Finally, Alex brought the two rabbits back to the palace and went back home. Everyone knew him from then on.

SCORE:
3.5/5 (content) 3.5/5 (grammar)