A World Without Adults - amended

Once upon a time, a child called John read a book called “Amazing Magic” It was about an island for children about 12 years old.

Children about 12 years old could go to the island. There were no adults and the children were happy. They didn’t need to go to school and they could go anywhere anytime. They didn’t need to ask the adults. On this island, there’s a child called Jacky. Jacky hated his parents very much. And he decided to escape from home and go to this island.

When he arrived on this island, he was very happy because his parents were not there. He played computer games everyday and didn’t go to school. He talked to other children, and they told him this island was their paradise. Jacky asked, “Are there any special skills I can learn on this island?” The children were angry and shouted to Jacky, “There isn’t anything we need to learn!”
Their hobby was playing games, and the children didn’t need to go to school anymore. These children disliked the adults and didn’t want to see them anymore.

One day, Jacky’s house was set on fire. He wanted to call his parents to help him. But he knew his parents will not appear. He called other children to help him. But these children were not tall enough to climb up the house. At that time, they all cried and missed their parents.

After this fire, they didn’t go back to the normal world. They also played computer games everyday and ate too much food. Gradually, they became very fat and unhealthy. There were no clinics on the island.

Jacky’s health was worse day by day. He had a fever one day, his parents were not there and no one could help him. At that time, he missed his parents very much. He wanted to go back to the normal world. Suddenly, Jacky had a headache. After five minutes, he saw his parents. His parent’s looked very worried. He kissed his parents, and he knew their importance. He asked his parents to go back to the island to talk to the other children. His parents told him he could go back home. He went back to the island and told the other children, “Parents are very important to us!”

When John finished the book, he understood that he needed to cherish his parents.


CONTENT: 4/5 GRAMMAR: 2/5 ==== 6/10